I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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