That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
