Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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