You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
