I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't deserve a penis
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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