Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
