Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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