i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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