If i come over, it means nothing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You ruined the universe
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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