So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize