Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
