thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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