he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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