Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear god my vagina.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
