Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize