she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
