She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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