Kiss
Puke
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
