I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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