Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
