I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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