Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
