I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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