yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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