I feel like abortions should bother me more
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
