is your mom at the bar?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
