there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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