Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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