I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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