So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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