Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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