It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
