Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I believe in your delicious
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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