i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
