We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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