it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
