my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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