I think I am morally bankrupt
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to calm my uterus...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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