google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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