I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
