We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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