There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't turn off my feet"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
