I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it's like iHOP with fire
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
