Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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