I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
