Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
