Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
