so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
