Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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