hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
