My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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