Screwed.edu
barbara walters just said penis...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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