I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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