I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
