Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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