did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
