Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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