It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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