i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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