My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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