There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
