My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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