I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
