she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
